Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 1)

Whether you are a parent or not, everyone appreciates calm. Life is full of noise, busyness, tension, and high energy activity and we often struggle to find space for relaxing and peaceful moments. It is for this reason that adults, teens, and children alike will need to be intentional to find calm. In this first part of our two-part blog, we would like to focus on the needs of parents when life feels chaotic. 

When polling parents in 2021 many moms and dads reported that they needed more support, both emotional and hands on assistance so they could step away when feeling overwhelmed. Since the pandemic began in March 2020 parents have been faced with the reality of being not only parent, but also teacher and mental health supporter. These additional responsibilities have been challenging and, for most families, have caused parents to reach their breaking point. Parents frequently call our office asking for help because their child is melting down or isolating themselves in their room, angry or depressed when they can’t to be with friends, go to school, or participate in extracurricular events. How it is possible to find calm in these challenging situations?

Parenting, in normal circumstances, can certainly feel chaotic at times, however the pandemic has elevated the tension, especially with families of children who have struggled with big or unsteady emotions or difficulty with change. In Part 2 of this blog series, we will provide parents with a list of strategies they can use with their children. But first, we want to provide this quick self-inventory to equip parents in learning more about their triggers, as this is a key step is managing chaos.

• Adult Inventory – What triggers you?
  • Strong emotions of others (Anger, Sadness, Fear, Apathy)
  • Arguments between those in the home
  • Screaming or excessive talking
  • Loud noises
  • Something getting broken
  • Using curse words or unacceptable language
  • Saying no or refusing to do something
  • Moving too slowly
  • Running or being physically active

Can you relate to one or more of these triggers? If you said yes, that is good news, because it means that you are aware of what makes you feel uneasy. Now that you recognize the things that cause you to trigger, let’s identify what you notice about yourself when this happens. Think about your body. Do you notice it tensing up, pressure in the chest, shaking, heart racing, or feeling the need to pace? Now notice what’s going on in your mind. Do your thoughts begin to race, turn extreme, or shutdown? And do these responses to the chaos build up slowly or happen very quickly? This information is very helpful in managing your response to these triggers. The key is to notice them and then find an effective way to decrease the response to the trigger so you can regain your composure. Whether children are simply playing with high energy or expressing big emotions they need the adults around them to model the best way to respond when challenges arise. This in no way means that parents will be perfect but instead do their best when times get tough. Children are watching the adults’ cues of how to respond to stressful situations.

“When little people are overwhelmed by emotions,

it’s our job to share our calm, not to join the chaos.”

L.R. Knost

• Strategies for Parents to Manage their Own Needs
  • Be Compassionate with Yourself. You may not be able to do it all, but what you do accomplish, feel good about. Notice the signs your trigger is starting and coach yourself to recover by taking 2 -5 minutes away as able. This is a great example for children.
  • Find Mini Self Care Moments. Take a few minutes throughout your day to listen to a favorite song, watch an inspiring video, read something short and inspirational, breathe slowly, or do whatever makes you feel calmer.
  • Plan But be Flexible. Organization can decrease chaos so plan and prepare things ahead of time, however, also accept if it needs to change without judgement.
  • Look For Resources. Connect with other parents, community centers, churches, and schools to learn about free or low-cost resources for opportunities for outside family enrichment and support to parents.
  • Fun with Family Opportunities. Recognize the moments in the past when your family laughed and enjoyed being together. Remembering these moments is good for the soul. Try to replicate these, when possible, even on a smaller scale.

Keep an eye out for Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2), which will release next month, to learn strategies
to use with children to help bring calm to the chaos.

To reach out to a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist related to specific needs with a child, contact us and one of our therapists will be in touch.