(585)377-1000
Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2)

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2)

by | Jan 31, 2022

Understanding ourselves, as parents, and being aware of how we respond to difficult situations, can greatly improve our parenting approach and by doing so increase healthy and helpful interactions with our children. When this happens both
the parents, children, and spousal relationship begin to notice a sense of calm even during the expected chaotic moments of raising children.

In Part 1 of this 2-part blog series, Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos, we focused on supporting parents by providing an adult inventory of potential triggers when parenting. If you did not get a chance to review that inventory, we encourage you to read the first blog and take a moment to reflect before attempting to implement the strategies we’ll be sharing with you today. 

No matter if your children have special needs, mental health challenges, or are typically developing, there are some helpful strategies we use as therapist, we believe are beneficial when implemented by parents as well. Keeping
in mind what you learned about your triggers and the things you can do to manage your needs, let’s now look at strategies to use with your children.

  • 5 Suggested Strategies to Use with Your Children:
    • Start the day with background music. Even before your children’s feet hit the floor have preselected music that you have noticed creates a calming environment for your family. This might be a playlist, nature-focused music, or a particular genre. Music can help instill calm, promote self-regulation, and impart a happy feeling. One idea for your
      family to try is this link of Disney Relaxing Piano.
    • Identify and communicate the allowed behaviors. Setting clear boundaries for children is vital. If they do not understand what is allowed and what is not, despite which adult is watching them, this can create confusion. For example, a parent can say the following: “Sitting at the table with feet on the floor and cleaning up your table space
      when finished eating will tell me that are ready for family game time.” Adopting the same style of communication as shown in this example is important for both parents to use as consistency creates calm. Notice how it was focused on the allowed behaviors.
    • Used planned-ignoring. There are times when your child wants attention and in some cases they will seek it anyway they can get it. Catching the child as soon as they stop a particular inappropriate attention seeking behavior and immediately giving them attention begins to shape their actions. They will learn that I do not have to be loud or
      doing something I am not supposed to be doing to get mom or dad’s attention.
    • Add fun perks for everyone working together. The idea of teaching a family to be a team increases the prospect of decreasing chaos. When children see that everyone is doing their part of the chores gets the work done quickly leaving time for movie night, they are much more apt to do their part without resistance. No child is too young to be
      involved. There are always simple tasks that can be completed by children as young as two and you will find that they really like having their own special role.
    • Consider a Safe or Sensory Space. Many of us were raised with the concept of time out. The point was to send a child to a separate location so that they are removed from the activity that is going on because they were misbehaving. We encourage coming at this from a more nurturing perspective. When we can identify the reason the child needs a change, such as your body does not look safe right now or you seem to need a quieter place to calm your thoughts you are letting the child know that you are paying attention and realize they are struggling. When a child is doing something that appears unsafe then helping them to understand the need to have them move to a safe chair or safe zone will make sure that no one gets hurt. The message is now coming from the focus of “Because I love you and your siblings, we want to be sure everyone stays safe”. When children notice their needs are being recognized, they calm much quicker. Many times, a child can learn to self-regulate on their own if provided with the most helpful environment. Below are examples to consider.

 

“Our greatest source of chaos can also be our greatest source of peace.

This is very true when it comes to parenting”.

– Amy Thomas

 

To reach out to a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist related to specific needs with a child click on our contact us link and one of our therapists will be in touch.

The Improve Your Mood Playlist

The Improve Your Mood Playlist

Sep 1, 2022

Blog Written By Rebecca Szalay  Do you ever notice when you are feeling down that you gravitate towards music that reflects that mood? How about when you’re excited?  Do you change the music if a slow or sad song comes on because you feel happy?  Music has the ability...

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

Jun 6, 2022

Written by Amy Thomas, MT-BC, LCAT Who needs summer ideas for your children and family? In this blog you will find fun, creative, and simpleideas for the summer months. Keeping it simpleWe’re aware that simple for one person may not be simple for another. For this...

Nature’s Instruments: Making Music Outside

Nature’s Instruments: Making Music Outside

May 2, 2022

Spring is finally here! The daffodils are blooming, the Easter bunny made his visits, and families are itching to get out of the house. In the spring, the outside world is full of sounds. Last week, we shared the blog Pause and Hear the Sounds of Spring to practice...

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 1)

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 1)

by | Jan 25, 2022

Whether you are a parent or not, everyone appreciates calm. Life is full of noise, busyness, tension, and high energy activity and we often struggle to find space for relaxing and peaceful moments. It is for this reason that adults, teens, and children alike will need to be intentional to find calm. In this first part of our two-part blog, we would like to focus on the needs of parents when life feels chaotic. 

When polling parents in 2021 many moms and dads reported that they needed more support, both emotional and hands on assistance so they could step away when feeling overwhelmed. Since the pandemic began in March 2020 parents have been faced with the reality of being not only parent, but also teacher and mental health supporter. These additional responsibilities have been challenging and, for most families, have caused parents to reach their breaking point. Parents frequently call our office asking for help because their child is melting down or isolating themselves in their room, angry or depressed when they can’t to be with friends, go to school, or participate in extracurricular events. How it is possible to find calm in these challenging situations?

Parenting, in normal circumstances, can certainly feel chaotic at times, however the pandemic has elevated the tension, especially with families of children who have struggled with big or unsteady emotions or difficulty with change. In Part 2 of this blog series, we will provide parents with a list of strategies they can use with their children. But first, we want to provide this quick self-inventory to equip parents in learning more about their triggers, as this is a key step is managing chaos.

  • Adult Inventory – What triggers you?
    • Strong emotions of others (Anger, Sadness, Fear, Apathy)
    • Arguments between those in the home
    • Screaming or excessive talking
    • Loud noises
    • Something getting broken
    • Using curse words or unacceptable language
    • Saying no or refusing to do something
    • Moving too slowly
    • Running or being physically active

Can you relate to one or more of these triggers? If you said yes, that is good news, because it means that you are aware of what makes you feel uneasy. Now that you recognize the things that cause you to trigger, let’s identify what you notice about yourself when this happens. Think about your body. Do you notice it tensing up, pressure in the chest, shaking, heart racing, or feeling the need to pace? Now notice what’s going on in your mind. Do your thoughts begin to race, turn extreme, or shutdown? And do these responses to the chaos build up slowly or happen very quickly? This information is very helpful in managing your response to these triggers. The key is to notice them and then find an effective way to decrease the response to the trigger so you can regain your composure. Whether children are simply playing with high energy or expressing big emotions they need the adults around them to model the best way to respond when challenges arise. This in no way means that parents will be perfect but instead do their best when times get tough. Children are watching the adults’ cues of how to respond to stressful situations.

 

“When little people are overwhelmed by emotions,

it’s our job to share our calm, not to join the chaos.”

L.R. Knost

 

  • Strategies for Parents to Manage their Own Needs
    • Be Compassionate with Yourself. You may not be able to do it all, but what you do accomplish, feel good about. Notice the signs your trigger is starting and coach yourself to recover by taking 2 -5 minutes away as able. This is a great example for children.
    • Find Mini Self Care Moments. Take a few minutes throughout your day to listen to a favorite song, watch an inspiring video, read something short and inspirational, breathe slowly, or do whatever makes you feel calmer.
    • Plan But be Flexible. Organization can decrease chaos so plan and prepare things ahead of time, however, also accept if it needs to change without judgement.
    • Look For Resources. Connect with other parents, community centers, churches, and schools to learn about free or low-cost resources for opportunities for outside family enrichment and support to parents.
    • Fun with Family Opportunities. Recognize the moments in the past when your family laughed and enjoyed being together. Remembering these moments is good for the soul. Try to replicate these, when possible, even on a smaller scale.

Keep an eye out for Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2), which will release next month, to learn strategies
to use with children to help bring calm to the chaos.

To reach out to a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist related to specific needs with a child, contact us and one of our therapists will be in touch.

 

 

Current Events: Thrive to Survive Workshop

Current Events: Thrive to Survive Workshop

Mar 22, 2022

Written by Katie Pistilli, MT-BC   This month, Upstate Music Therapy Center employees Erin Triola, LCAT, MT-BC and Katie Pistilli, MT-BC met a wonderful group of people through the Thrive to Survive support group. Katie and Erin conducted a workshop for Thrive to...

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2)

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 2)

Jan 31, 2022

Understanding ourselves, as parents, and being aware of how we respond to difficult situations, can greatly improve our parenting approach and by doing so increase healthy and helpful interactions with our children. When this happens boththe parents, children, and...

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 1)

Parenting: Finding Calm in the Chaos (Part 1)

Jan 25, 2022

Whether you are a parent or not, everyone appreciates calm. Life is full of noise, busyness, tension, and high energy activity and we often struggle to find space for relaxing and peaceful moments. It is for this reason that adults, teens, and children alike will need...

Book: Jingle Bells

Book: Jingle Bells

by | Dec 14, 2021

Blog post written by Kayla Davitt, MT-BC | Song recorded by Kayla Davitt, MT-BC

The Christmas season is filled with many traditions. When I was growing up, my parents would allow my sister and I to open one present on Christmas Eve. I was always the first one awake on Christmas morning, ready for what the day had in store! I didn’t realize how Christmas traditions are vastly different around the world until I read Jingle Bells by Iza Trapani for the first time. 

I’m fairly certain we all know the first couple of verses to the classic song “Jingle Bells.” In Iza Trapani’s interpretation, the lyrics are changed to fit the story: traveling around the world to different countries and learning about the Christmas traditions there! Throughout the story, the reader learns about Christmas traditions in a variety of countries including Mexico, Sweden, the Philippines, and Kenya. When reading this story with your child, you can help them practice many skills such as geography, reading comprehension, and inferencing.

Geography

Within this story, the reader is shown and told about the Christmas traditions and countries all over the world. This is a great opportunity to practice geography skills with your child and to help them locate the different countries on a map or a globe. You could also work on directional skills and ask your child where a particular country is in relation to the United States.

Reading comprehension

In the back of this book, there is more information about the traditions in each country mentioned in the story. Read this information with your child and ask them questions to encourage growth of comprehension skills. What do children in Mexico look forward to on Christmas Eve? Where can children in Italy find their presents on Christmas morning? At what time do people in Poland begin eating Christmas dinner?

Inferencing

This book also gives children the opportunity to work on their inferencing skills. Encourage your child to think about the different traditions in each country while looking at the pictures in the book. Are the children in each country pictured as feeling happy? Why do you think they feel happy? How would you feel if you participated in a different tradition?

If you would like to use a recorded version of Iza Trapani’s version of “Jingle Bells,” I recorded this one for your use!

Jingle Bells

by Iza Trapani | Sung by: Kayla Davitt, MT-BC

Although Christmas traditions vary around the world, it is often a time to spend with friends and family. Whether you are celebrating new traditions or continuing on with family traditions, we hope you and your family enjoy this holiday season!

If you wish to purchase this book on Amazon, you can do so here.

Happy reading!

Book: There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Turkey

Book: There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Turkey

by | Nov 16, 2021

Blog post written and submitted by Kayla Davitt, MT-BC 

An old lady, a turkey, a football, and a boat. You may be asking, “What do these specific objects have in common?” If you have small children at home, you’ve probably heard or read the book There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly. Well, in this series, the main character continues to swallow seasonal objects as the calendar year progresses! In There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Turkey, the story centers around a turkey-eating holiday: Thanksgiving!

 

As we meet the main character, she begins by swallowing a live turkey. She then proceeds to swallow a variety of objects, some that very obviously make one think of Thanksgiving. When reading this book with your child, you can encourage them to think about what is happening in the book. Here are some ideas:

Fact vs. Fiction

For young children, they may still be learning about how to separate fact from fiction. This story is a great way to allow your child an opportunity to apply their reasoning skills to the events in the story. You can ask them questions such as: Do you think a person can swallow a balloon? Is it possible for a person to swallow a boat? What do you think would happen to a person if they swallowed something inedible like a ball? These questions and others can encourage your child to apply skills and knowledge from their own lives to answer the questions logically.

Sequencing

The events in this story follow a pattern, so this is a great way to work on comprehension skills with your child! When reading this book with your child, you can leave blanks in the content and allow your child to fill in the blank with the correct word. You can turn it into a game with your child and see how quickly they can fill in the blank! Another way to practice putting events in sequential order is to print out these activities and have your child put the pictures in the correct order according to what the old lady swallowed in the story.

Fine motor skills

The above mentioned activities not only allow your child to work on their sequencing skills, but they can also work on their fine motor skills! The activities consist of coloring, cutting, and glueing. This would be a great time to work on some of those skills with your child!

If you’re looking for a recording of the song to use while reading this book with your child, here is one that I enjoy.

Also, check out this amazing activity by Speechin Made Easy to act out the story as you listen to the recording.

We hope you enjoy reading or singing this song with your child as 2021 comes to a close!

If you wish to purchase this book on Amazon, you can do so here.

Happy reading!

Music Therapy for Children with Chronic Pain

Music Therapy for Children with Chronic Pain

by | Nov 2, 2021

Blog written by Katie Pistilli, MT-BC

Chronic pain impacts an individual’s entire life. Not only are there physical symptoms to cope with, but there is the emotional struggle of accepting that the pain is indefinite. While chronic pain is a tragedy for anyone going through it, children experience a special set of challenges. Kids with pain syndromes might have fewer social opportunities to make friends and develop hobbies, adding another layer of complexity and mental health concerns. Kids cope with the same emotional turmoil as adults, if not more, but have a more difficult time expressing it. 

Research shows that it is essential to approach chronic pain in children from multiple angles. Not only should the child work with medical doctors to manage their pain and symptoms, but they should also receive mental health support to ensure depression and anxiety are addressed. There is extensive research on how music therapy can assist children in coping with both the physical and emotional symptoms of chronic pain.  

 

Music Therapy Interventions 

Music therapy interventions are activities that are meant to address specific goals in a child. For chronic pain, a music therapy intervention may aim to help them relax and distract their mind from the pain. These activities may also prompt conversations to help children accept their pain and diminish feelings of sadness or anger. No matter what the goal may be, a music therapist will always use evidence-based practice or techniques supported by research in their activities.  

 

Music-Assisted Relaxation  

If a therapist uses Music-Assisted Relaxation, they hope to help the child relax their body and calm the sensory system. When a child is constantly in pain, their nervous system is on high-alert. This may contribute to anxiety and greater sensitivity to pain. It is important to help children acquire relaxation-based skills so they can independently learn to relax and diminish some of their pain. 

Music-Assisted Relaxation can look like: 

  • Playing live music on guitar or piano and reading a script.  
  • Mindfulness-based scripts are often used. The child may be encouraged to write a script that encompasses what brings them peace, positive memories, or favorite things (smells, foods, places) 
  • The therapist may facilitate breathing exercises to music. 

 

Active Music Engagement  

Like music-assisted relaxation, Active Music Engagement is also a great way to separate the child’s focus away from their pain and calm their body. These types of interventions are slightly more active on the child’s part and address the thoughts and feelings that they may be experiencing. The goal with Active Music Engagement is to help the child process through thoughts, experiences, and anxieties about the future. 

Here is an example of an Active Music Engagement intervention: 

  • Writing a chant about pain experiences and positive outlook on the future. 
  • Participating in that chant with the therapist.  
  • Play along with instruments such as the drums or a xylophone. 

Live Patient-Selected Music  

Using Live Patient-Selected Music is one way that therapists will help children sort through complex thoughts and emotions related to chronic pain. By using music that the child chooses, the therapist can get a sense of what they may be feeling but can’t express through words. 

Using music of the child’s choice, the therapist may:  

  • Encourage the child to highlight words or lines that stand out to them. 
  • Prompt the child to keep the beat of the song with them using instruments. 
  • Pose questions that facilitate discussion about pain and emotions.  

Music therapy interventions address chronic pain symptoms in children from both a physical and mental health lens. The interventions above are proven to help calm the child’s body while also addressing the difficult emotions they experience. Research shows that children with chronic pain benefit from a multi-disciplinary approach to their treatment, and music therapy does just that! 

Is there a young person in your life who experiences chronic pain? If you think music therapy may benefit them, please don’t hesitate to reach out! Our team of qualified therapists are ready to help. 

 

The Improve Your Mood Playlist

The Improve Your Mood Playlist

Sep 1, 2022

Blog Written By Rebecca Szalay  Do you ever notice when you are feeling down that you gravitate towards music that reflects that mood? How about when you’re excited?  Do you change the music if a slow or sad song comes on because you feel happy?  Music has the ability...

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

Jun 6, 2022

Written by Amy Thomas, MT-BC, LCAT Who needs summer ideas for your children and family? In this blog you will find fun, creative, and simpleideas for the summer months. Keeping it simpleWe’re aware that simple for one person may not be simple for another. For this...

Nature’s Instruments: Making Music Outside

Nature’s Instruments: Making Music Outside

May 2, 2022

Spring is finally here! The daffodils are blooming, the Easter bunny made his visits, and families are itching to get out of the house. In the spring, the outside world is full of sounds. Last week, we shared the blog Pause and Hear the Sounds of Spring to practice...

Sounds That Scare Our Children

Sounds That Scare Our Children

by | Oct 24, 2021

,It can be common to see children plug their ears or show displeasure toward an unexpected, loud, high pitched or popping sound. However, how do we know when it is time to get professional help for our child whose responses appear severe?  A quick reaction to a sound means the child is responding to their good survival instincts so it’s all normal, right?   

To answer this question let’s break it down into four categories.  Your child could be responding to a) their normal instincts, b) a sensitivity, c) a sensory disorder, or d) PTSD.   

It isn’t always easy to distinguish hypersensitivity from actual disorders involving the sensory or nervous system, but knowing how to recognize some signs may provide more clarity. When the child resumes their normal activity after the initial shocking sound and does not continue to talk about it or show fear of it happening again, the reaction is a typical instinctual response.  On the other hand, highly sensitive children often react to certain stimuli such as information, sounds, smells, touch, emotions, or sights more intensely than other children.  

We will focus on sound sensitivity in this blog using the example of a balloon popping.  For example, your child walks into a party where he sees clusters of helium balloons after having one recently pop.  The condition can often be managed when applying strategies for a child with hypersensitivity such as taking a pause to talk it through, using headphones to block out an expected troublesome sound, or do a calming activity.  However, if the child is suffering from a sensory integration disorder or PTSD this discomfort will most likely not resolve itself.  Your child may need to remain by your side, leave the room or the building, or cry or talk about it repeatedly, with much difficulty in regulating him or herself. 

A parent should reach out to a professional when a child continues to suffer from sensory input, such as a sound, and it takes the child a long period of time to recover.  This could stem from a sensory processing disorder.  The assessment for this is thorough and should be completed by an Occupation Therapist who is trained in this area. However, in some cases there is an unrecognized past trauma which ruminates in the child’s mind.  The child may or may not have the language to communicate what is causing the distress, however they respond strongly. 

A particular sound, picture, smell, taste, or reliving an event or one that is closely related can create a trigger.  When this appears to be true, a therapist will work to uncover a past incident that might have felt traumatic for the child.  This might be something they remember or have no recollection of as research has shown that trauma can occur as young as in utero or during birth.  Once detected it can be reprocessed by using bilateral stimulation to assist the child’s nervous system to realize that the threat is no longer present and that he or she has skills to use in the future.   This therapy is called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). 

Some other sounds, in addition to balloons popping, most frequently noted to upset young children are:

  • Automatic toilet flushing
  • Rooms with echoing acoustics 
  • Loud music and parties
  • Sudden clapping
  • Yelling
  • Sirens and loud truck sounds
  • Sounds during a medical procedure
  • A drill or table saw
  • Drums
  • Fireworks
  • Gun shots

This is often understandable as the world can be a noisy and confusing place to a young child. They do not have the experiences an older child or adult might have. The best ways to assist your child in navigating sounds in your community is two-fold.  First, it is important to notice volumes in their everyday setting and adjust as needed and secondly be prepared to assist your child to navigate sounds and noise when in the community. 

When leaving the home, we recommend having noise cancelling headphones with you so you can assure a young child in locations such as public restrooms, parades, fireworks, or festivals that you are prepared to help them if sounds begin to bother them.  However, to avoid triggering a child the best practice is to use the headphones preventively.  Before the parade or fireworks begin place them on the child’s ears to avoid startling the child or causing noise induced hearing loss.  

If you are concerned about your child’s response to one or more sounds or environments feel free to contact us and a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist will respond shortly.  Our therapist is trained in EMDR.

 

CONTACT US
The Improve Your Mood Playlist

The Improve Your Mood Playlist

Sep 1, 2022

Blog Written By Rebecca Szalay  Do you ever notice when you are feeling down that you gravitate towards music that reflects that mood? How about when you’re excited?  Do you change the music if a slow or sad song comes on because you feel happy?  Music has the ability...

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

6 Creative Summer Activity Ideas

Jun 6, 2022

Written by Amy Thomas, MT-BC, LCAT Who needs summer ideas for your children and family? In this blog you will find fun, creative, and simpleideas for the summer months. Keeping it simpleWe’re aware that simple for one person may not be simple for another. For this...

Current Events: Thrive to Survive Workshop

Current Events: Thrive to Survive Workshop

Mar 22, 2022

Written by Katie Pistilli, MT-BC   This month, Upstate Music Therapy Center employees Erin Triola, LCAT, MT-BC and Katie Pistilli, MT-BC met a wonderful group of people through the Thrive to Survive support group. Katie and Erin conducted a workshop for Thrive to...